I had a discussion with my best friend today about her dating. However, because of our views, the discussion was a little more about morality and how people can relate to each other. Luckily, we can disagree without being mad at each other.
I used to be a Christian. Over the past few years my beliefs have changed. The nagging questions that I'd always ignored (supposedly by ignoring them I was having more faith) slowly poked at me more and more. I recently stopped believing, not only in God, but that there is a god. There's still a little tickle there that says it's possible, but it's a possibility rather than a belief. Both of my two best friends are still Christians. I don't hope to change their beliefs, but I do hope to enlighten them and hopefully cause them both to think a little more. I hope that they'll do the same for me.
So, the discussion was a little bit about that I think she shouldn't necessarily rule out non-Christians for dating. My main point centered around morality. A person can be moral with or without religion. In fact, she may even have a tendency to meet non-Christians whose morals line up more closely with hers than do the Christians that she meets. I think that her morals are similar to mine, and I obviously abide by these morals without a guiding force.
Our biggest disagreement is that she wants a husband who would be following God's advice. Obviously, someone who doesn't believe in God is not going to pray in order to make decisions. This doesn't mean that they won't thoughtfully consider things, weighing how it will affect their own life, other people's lives, and society and the environment. I fear that some people are too quick to pray, and make their decisions without considering these things. But, as it pertains to her, she wants someone that she feels would be following God. Since that isn't possible with someone who doesn't believe in God, she won't date someone who is not a Christian.
Obviously our discussion didn't lead to an agreement, but I do think that I made her think. People tend to think that their morals are strictly derived from their religion. However, a religions morals change throughout time, just as society's morals change. Religion and society generally have slightly differing morals (just as individuals within those groups do) but both of them change similarly over time. This says to me that religion is a place for people to strengthen their morals, but it is not a place that dictates their morals.
It's good to have friends that you can peacefully disagree with.
I used to be a Christian. Over the past few years my beliefs have changed. The nagging questions that I'd always ignored (supposedly by ignoring them I was having more faith) slowly poked at me more and more. I recently stopped believing, not only in God, but that there is a god. There's still a little tickle there that says it's possible, but it's a possibility rather than a belief. Both of my two best friends are still Christians. I don't hope to change their beliefs, but I do hope to enlighten them and hopefully cause them both to think a little more. I hope that they'll do the same for me.
So, the discussion was a little bit about that I think she shouldn't necessarily rule out non-Christians for dating. My main point centered around morality. A person can be moral with or without religion. In fact, she may even have a tendency to meet non-Christians whose morals line up more closely with hers than do the Christians that she meets. I think that her morals are similar to mine, and I obviously abide by these morals without a guiding force.
Our biggest disagreement is that she wants a husband who would be following God's advice. Obviously, someone who doesn't believe in God is not going to pray in order to make decisions. This doesn't mean that they won't thoughtfully consider things, weighing how it will affect their own life, other people's lives, and society and the environment. I fear that some people are too quick to pray, and make their decisions without considering these things. But, as it pertains to her, she wants someone that she feels would be following God. Since that isn't possible with someone who doesn't believe in God, she won't date someone who is not a Christian.
Obviously our discussion didn't lead to an agreement, but I do think that I made her think. People tend to think that their morals are strictly derived from their religion. However, a religions morals change throughout time, just as society's morals change. Religion and society generally have slightly differing morals (just as individuals within those groups do) but both of them change similarly over time. This says to me that religion is a place for people to strengthen their morals, but it is not a place that dictates their morals.
It's good to have friends that you can peacefully disagree with.
posted by Vanessa Clark @ 10:19 AM
1 Comments:
At 8:21 PM,
Katie said…
:) It is good to have friends that you can disagree with peacefully. I don't know if I have any friend with whom I do that as well as with you. :)
As for having a Christian husband, not only would I want to trust that he is listening for God's voice (this part is important, but like you said, I may disagree with him about whether it's God or not), more importantly, in relation to my own happiness, is the sense that as I seek to follow the voice of God, my husband will support and agree with me in it. If I think God tells me to sell my house and move to a shed in India, a non-Christian husband will be skeptical at the least, or think I'm absolutely insane at the worst. A Christian husband will respect the fact that I'm trying to follow the God that he also believes in, whether he agrees with me or not. And if he does agree with me, he will want wholeheartedly to follow where God is calling, and work by my side. I want a partner in prayer, in ministry, and in fellowship. A non-Christian can simply not give those things to me - he could not share the one thing that I value most in my life - and what kind of a marriage is that in comparison to one in which I could have those things? I would feel stuck and stifled in a marriage with a non-Christian.
About morality: I agree that there are people whose 'morals', in the way I think you're defining the word, agree with mine even though they are not Christians. But I'm not a Christian just because I like the morality that comes with it. If I were, I think I would need to do a reevaluation of my logical thinking processes. I'm a Christian because I'm convinced it's true. Our beliefs in reality should not be based upon whether they satisfy our personal sense of morality or not. Christianity is a beautiful message, but there doesn't seem to me to be any prerequisite on reality to be beautiful or moral, from a purely philosophical perspective.
I couldn't have asked for a better best friend. One thing I know - I am looking for a husband with whom I can discuss things and disagree with as I do with you.
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